Magneto’s Eggs

Not need to remember to people my geek side or how quirky and weird my sense of humour is. I know, it is not approved by metaphorical reader audiences. Anyway, this post is going to be short because it is not going to be me the one whom is going to teach how to cook this time if not someone whom is more expert: Sir Ian McKellen. I saw his cooking video and I thought: “If Magneto says it one must try it.” And definitely it is bloody good sir. They are all so made together on this sort of scrambling deliciousness, quite different of the one which uses to be at my country that… Well, I am a geek and superfan of X-Men. Magneto’s Eggs was the right funny title to name them.

Apart of this, I want to make an update this week because the next one comes one of this brainy essays in which probably I will say more than one inappropriate thing and I do not want to break the mood of the text with updates. So, in compensation, you are warned in two weeks of advance. I am going to take holidays. I do not care if you matter or not but I matter a lot about that. The whole world has been out showing fabulous places and I kept here: working and unpaid. So it has arrived my time. All the superheroes need a rest in between to save the planet and the galaxy. This time it is my time. This means, in practical effects, that the last post is going to be on October 3rd and you should not wait for anything. And I really mean ANYTHING, until something around the 12th. Why? Because it is my quirky way of to protest against this new social media revolution and I do not care if suddenly all the fans get lost in the way. Adieu in advance to all of them.

Beforehand, I can tell you I am super-excited because I love theatre and I could not get tickets for The Cursed Child but I got for to check Magneto and Charles Xavier together. I think Sir Patrick Stewart can really say I am his fan. With this, I would have seen him twice live on the theatre. Well, never mind. Weirdos like me enjoy things that not so many others like.

I hope everybody will have so happy, messy, bloody, online things and that they would leave alone and in peace the ones whom we are not really in to this and we only want to work. Despite we know how to use them when we want. Have fun.

From Ian McKellen's original recipe. This is my own result cooked by me. The chives had been added by gluttony. Just follow the original recipe.
From Ian McKellen’s original recipe. This is my own result cooked by me. The chives had been added by gluttony. Just follow the original recipe.

Magneto’s Eggs

All the instructions given by Magneto not need to add anything else.


On 2011, I was a firmly believer on all this social media platforms for to promote the reel, work… Even for to use them as an easy way to show the work or talent. It was for this reason that I did not only started Worldless and I created several pieces for to promote it and to pitch the content. I also created a personal blog, similar than this one, when I used to share my video and writing reel. Why writing? On the first term because it was a quicker way of to fill those needs of constant content. On the second, because for several reason I was not able to film all sort of texts I created. Leaving aside budget, they were other crucial factors like the lack of crew, or to do not find people interested in to develop this sort of stories near my area. However, it was also unavailable the option of to move to other place. It was complicated. Finally, the last factor is I have been interested on directing but I was more in writing or on the photography department than on the direction one. Which is a bit contradictory, I know. Still, it is in the way I am and, for example, on this moment of my life I ask to myself so many times why did not I study design. Things which happen.

Here, I leave you a piece which was posted on that previous blog on 2011, after The Dragon Tears and other work. It is some sort of short synopses for to develop it as an screenplay. However, other projects and issues happened in between and that synopses was shared but never developed like a full script. Although, if anyone is interested you can consider this like an open pitch. Let’s make this new technologic times with more open minded fun philosophy. Unluckily, for some sort of a bunch of reasons, I keep without to be able to have a producer company and even if you accept the pitch I cannot be paid for to start to develop it BUT, I keep having my faith on bureaucracy. Which is quite fantastical. More than some magic.

Anyway, the keen eyes will notice on this non classic narrative, some sort of “issues”which “someone” seemed to like to read like some sort of prophetic thing. Being honest, I am quite tired a bunch of weirdos love to put themselves like “real” characters of my fiction word. Even if those are Griggletongletz. I keep hitting my head against the wall each time I remember how folks became jealous of a Dubu. Fine, let’s leave it aside. And despite there is not so much to enjoy I am leaving you with the copy and paste text like I used of to share it on those times. Yes, they confused me for the initials too in case you are wondering. I think, some folks insisted in to confuse intentionally everything for very selfish personal reasons. Beware, otters eat sel-fish. Just saying…

Stars in the Sky. Picture courtesy Wikipedia.
Stars in the Sky. Picture courtesy Wikipedia.


“True stars were formerly known as the fixed stars, to distinguish them from the planets or wandering stars. They are gaseous spheres consisting primarily of hydrogen and helium, there being an equilibrium between the compressional force of gravity and the outward pressure of radiation resulting from internal thermonuclear fusion reactions. Some six thousand stars are visible to the naked eye, but there are actually more than a hundred billion in our own Galaxy, while billions of other galaxies are known.”

Alec was reading that on his desk full of papers and books. The final exams were close and he had to study so much. He did not have time for anything else: to study, homework, study, homework… His bedroom was a mess but, being honest, all the teenagers are a bit messy. There were clothes everywhere, without order or sense. The walls were full of posters of cool rock bands, the shelves full of more books that seemed there were in balance to not to fall in all the disorder. And in the corner almost forgot it and old guitar waiting for to be played.

But Alec had not times for guitars, sometimes not for dinner neither. Fact that really disturbed his mother who thought her son was going to fall sick for all his efforts. However, like he was very stubborn, she could not do anything for to fix that situation. Still, Alec knew that his mother was an exaggerated and he only was focused in his objective: be the best writer of all the times. Although before that, he had to approve all the exams.

Eric was in his bedroom too. Not too different of Alec’s room, the same posters the same clothes everywhere. And both were reading the same: “True starts…” Yes, “true stars” He was one. He was born to be one. And like a sign given him the reason and old song of David Bowie started to play downstairs: Star. He looked to the corner where his guitar was and suddenly he knew what he had to do.

A room, a dark and creepy room of a dreary apartment. It is almost empty, just an old table, a broken chair, an ashtray full of smouldering cigarette butts, and old dusty green couch and a man sitting on there. He is in the room but his head is not and in his fingers a cigarette is burning slowly waiting for to be smoked.

A beautiful place with fancy tables and chairs. It is like a club. Well decorated, very clean, smart. Mika Nakashima is singing some songs of her album. Now she is going to sing Stars. Everybody is enjoying with the spectacle except some folks at a corner. There, a group of boys dressed as punks seemed very bored. There are four boys and a girl. All with grunge/punk style clothes. Nobody of them understands the Japanese so they are just listening an feeling that they are wasting their time.

“Come on. Can somebody tell my what the hell are we doing here?” said one of them.

“Waiting for the guy with the contract of the million…” said the other very bored.

“Yes, yes, yes I’ve heard that before… Fuck him. Let’s go”

“Are you crazy. Where?”

“The girl decides this time. Babe…”

On an empty house. There is a private party. Three boys and a girl are enjoying some music, The Cult Star, is one of the songs. Helena is dancing and Alec and Eric can not stop to look at her. She is hypnotising them  like Salome.

“We should be a rock band. We could be stars” said her.

“Yes, why not?” said Alec.

Hollywood, yeah!! Let’s do it!” said Eric

A man is sat on his office. He is typing on his computer. At his desk there is a notebook with some guidelines, some old portraits and he is listening classic music interpreted by Yo-Yo Ma. Nobody is with him. He is working furiously but he is completely alone.

Hollywood is an amazing place. The band members are in a suite at the Chateau Marmont with a peculiar decoration because, in this suite there is an Andy Warhol picture. They are having fun after a huge concert. Helena starts to undress herself. When she is half naked she approaches to Eric and she kisses him very passionately. He slaps her in the face.

“I think it should be better to let alone the couple” said Alec to the other band members.

The others left the room but Alec stops a bit before to get out. Finally, he decides to leave the place. Helena was with less clothes than before, only in her neck a star necklace kept on place. Eric touched her.

Two boys, teenagers yet, were walking with their guitars. They went to the garage of a friend to make some rehearsals. Suddenly, one of them stopped. There was a star necklace on the ground. He picked it and he putted it in his neck.

“You shouldn’t do that. You never know from where that thing has come from” said the other boy.

“Oh! Shut up nerd! Don’t you see that this is a symbol? I’m going to be a star!”

The dusty green couch and the man. Each time there is more smoke in the room but the man seemed to not be here. A sexy woman appeared from one of the doors at the room. She was wearing very sexy clothes and a star necklace.

Alec was with Eric in New York. Both were enjoying coffee in a tiny place. Eric wore his star necklace when a girl followed by paparazzi came into the local. She entered to the place and the photographers stayed out there.

“See? She should be famous. It’s our opportunity! We’re the most lucky guys alive!” said Eric.

“Don’t be a fool! You don’t have idea of who is her and… hold on. What are you thinking?” said Alec.

“Just my irresistible trick with girls…” Eric stood up and walked towards the girl.

“In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes” said Alec.


“It’s a Warhol quote. Never mind. But please don’t do it. This isn’t the way. We should work hard”

“Work, work, work. Yes, it’s the only thing that you know. For what? for don’t have social live, for don’t live? Like you still like that you’re going to finish alone. That’s not my fate” said Eric approaching him to her.

“Please, don’t…”

A woman was dancing sensually on a bed. There was music and she was dancing a song of Roxette. It was Helena but this time she did not wear the star necklace. Eric was sitting on a green couch. She approached to him and she gave to him a pill. She took other and she talked with him.

“In 15 minutes everybody will be famous. Do you know what it is the fame?”

“Fame give you success”

“Ha ha ha. You’re just an ignorant”

Alec was watching television. His friend Eric was on there he was having his fifteen minutes of fame and all thanks to Helena, his new girlfriend, or almost that was what he told to Alec. The reality was Helena had all that she wanted and when she was tired, she just dropped her new toy. And that was what it was happening on television. It seemed that the relationship had finished after two weeks.

A dark and creepy room of a dreary apartment. It was almost empty, just an old table, a broken chair, an ashtray full of smouldering cigarette butts, and old dusty green couch and a man sitting on there. He was in the room but his head was not and on his fingers a cigarette was burning slowly waiting for to be smoked. Helena was dancing in front of him with her provocative style. But this time she was dancing a David Bowie song.

“You should listen more to your friends” said her.

“If you mean the chicken of Alec whom prefers to hide himself in a cave saying that he is working. I’m sorry babe”

“Well, at leasts he works. What do you have?”

“I have it all. I have you” said he.

“Really? Look around you and see.”

“Well, it’s truth. It isn’t a good time but soon it will be better. You’ll see” he approached to her and he took her by her waist.

He tried to kiss her but she stopped him before he made it.

“In the future, everyone will be anonymous for 15 minutes” said she while she was transforming herself in smoke and she vanished.

An old Alec is siting in his office. He is typing in his computer. In his desk, there is a notebook with some guidelines and some old portraits of he and his friend Eric. He is working furiously but he is completely alone. Some laughs come from outside and Alec stops to work. He walks towards the window to see what is happening. On a shelve full of books there are different awards too. He doubts a bit to see them, he is very proud of all of them but he is more proud of the golden one which looks like a man with a sword. More laughs come from outside and he approaches to the window to see better. His son and his wife are playing with the dog, both are very happy and they are having fun. Alec decides that for today there is enough work and he goes down to join his family.

NOTE: When I finished this story I have noticed  that probably it works better visually, because you can use some image tricks to not confuse the audience so much. However, in paper, I have not found the solution without falling in the things that are obvious. Anyways, I think that Bryan Adams’ song express better the message that I would like to share. I hope you like it.

Dedicated to all the people who works hard and do not think in the fame. All my best.

Stars © by ELM

The Bible of Fashion

Student girls. Picture courtesy by Vogue Magazine.
Student girls. Picture courtesy by Vogue Magazine.

Not sure how many of you are interested in fashion issues and how many are interested in storytelling. Let’s say this audience is a bit like a tailor’s box, quite diverse but nice. We are all agree in to enjoy humour and some good knowledge, despite I keep insisting I am not no one. Neither, I understand about football, filmmaking or fashion. Shhh… We all know the ones whom really understand about those things are the folks at the pubs, they really know if the fault has been of Cristiano or if what the football club needs is to change the mister. It is an old time history which repeats in all the countries. Not need to explain more about it.

However, fashion is different. It was said for a well known woman in the industry called Coco that elegance is to avoid vulgarity. Maybe she did not said that exactly but it was what she meant. So what is fashion then? To wear the last trend a few people say? To wear a lot of branding clothes even if that means to be completely mismatched on a colourful parade? To do not wear any brand? To wear all in black? To know how to combine adequately everything for the right occasion? To wear expensive items? Maybe cheap ones? Those are all the questions that a non well trained mind in the fashion or design concept starts to have when they ask to s/he: “What is fashion?” Well, they ask themselves those things and why the ugly shoes trend is back but that is another point classified like: trends. Better a post only about shoes, ugly or not.

Applying the logical thinking of the Vulcan method. One could arrive quickly to the conclusion that fashion is all of which is not vulgar but then, we will find ourselves on another paradox: “Which is the definition or classification of vulgarity?” Elementary, that is the main question.

Victoria Beckham for Marc Jacobs. Picture courtesy Marc Jacobs.
Victoria Beckham for Marc Jacobs. Picture courtesy Marc Jacobs.

The problem with certain vocables is, they have implicit cultural issues or ways of to see the world. I tend to always use the same example because it is the easier one: “white colour in occident means purity which in orient it means grief.” And applying that basic issue you can follow everything with words, translations, concepts…

A woman could wear a suit with a midi-skirt or a short one. She could be extremely smart with that outfit but if you put that image in certain occidental places they would like to copy her. In other places of the world she probably would be classified like a b* and their ideal of beauty, fashion and smart would be to have the woman covered from head to toe for to do not provoke to no one. Because we know girls, we are always the blamed and the ones whom are the trouble. It is never the other sex.

In other words, what it is fashionable in one place is not in other. For this reason, people need to watch, to learn and to discover to apply those cultural concepts to certain words. Please, leave aside the stupid pre-concepts about if it is to impose a way of to see the world or not. Here is about aesthetic not politics.

Laetitia Casta for Louis Vuitton. Picture courtesy Louis Vuitton
Laetitia Casta for Louis Vuitton. Picture courtesy Louis Vuitton.

One of the first ones in to set clear ideals of fashion and cannons of beauty were the painters. From the Roman times until the classic portrait lines were broken, painters and sculptors had the duty to plasm how the world was, society or a loved one. Maybe they decided to make landscapes and people went to their exhibition to can see how was Venice because they could not have the opportunity on their lives of to travel so far and to be there. They were not only artists. They were the ones whom taught to society, without wishing that, which were the beauty, powerful, respected, wonderful… Images of their times. Now, they keep for us like a study of the past and history.

It arrived a moment, between the XVIII century and the XIX one that everything became more complex. All that revolution at France, with the politics, the commune… Made divide the society. It started between the artists a dualism and most of them decided to call themselves the “cursed poets”. However, this not only had people like Baudelaire between them, if not so many painters and other sort of artists like Gustave Courbet. Those times were hard for everybody but this group seemed to enjoy their time with an excess of alcohol and women’s of plaisir. In fact, most of the artists of this group finished their days at prison, suicide or by syphilis.

On any case, what it was affecting them was reflected on their work. Courbet, for example, started to make all sort of nudity portraits which in our days could even be considered a scandal in certain circles. Watch for yourselves “L’Origine du monde” (1866). At the same time, like their art became more explicit and full of politics. They were excluded even more of certain circles which made them more revolutionary but, seen that if they did not adapted to certain social rules they were going to have it even harder for to pay their vices, they decided to hide those “messages” in normal paintings. And that is the origin of how a non shaved armpit from a woman became the metaphor of her sex. Not sure why it was needed the metaphor when he had already painted it in real but those guys on that times made weird things.

Vogue vintage cover May 1917
Vogue vintage cover May 1917. Picture courtesy Condé Nast archive.

That, created another confusion on basic terms. In special, in matters of vocables like Vogue which means “style” in french. Because if those artist were portraying prostitutes what they were teaching was the world was that way. When it was not.

Around those times, it started the press, magazines… Which not only were used for to share information if not for to teach too. And it was in 1892 when Arthur Turnure founded Vogue as a weekly newspaper on the United States sponsored by Kristoffer Wright. The Condé Montrose Nast bought and expansion did not came until passed 1905.

But what happened there? Art had really changed. It was not teaching anymore so it was needed something which supplied that. And that became the photography, illustration and press. Years later, it was involved the advertisement campaigns to the equation too. All of those were ideals to copy, to learn and to share. Why? Because most of the human population needs a figure to follow. Some took Queen Victoria or Maria Antoniette and in our days is any top model at a magazine or ad. The human being has not changed in this aspect since the Roman times when men and women dressed like their favourite god or goddess on a temple. And who had said how a God dressed? Who had said what was in fashion or in vogue? Exactly, an artist.

Kristen Stewart for Chanel. Picture courtesy Chanel.
Kristen Stewart for Chanel. Picture courtesy Chanel.

It is for this reason, that maybe when I was studying all of this a professor told me at the photographic lab that if I really wanted to learn to take pictures I did not only needed to shoot so many times. If not I had to read Vogue, National Geographic or other magazines. Because what it was published on there it was the best. And that was what any student must to have as a goal: “to be the best”. Going back to Napoleon times. He used to say: “It is not a good soldier the one whom does not want to become a general.” And he was military but then, you study filmmaking and it is checked: the process is like in the army.

One of the first things which the humanity invented was a book. It is a best seller from centuries and it is called the Bible. It has a series of stories which one can believe or not, this is like to believe Star Wars will happen on the future. It is up to you. On any case, those stories are teachings. It is a manual, indeed. A manual which says: “Be good” without to enter in each chapter or detail.

Since that book was created, the human being has written so many more. Still, it is curious to check than when any writer creates a new world that information is called a bible too. The reason is simple: it says the basic rules that your characters will follow in your world. It has those teachings and ethics which they must follow and that is what a Bible is.

Lindsey Wixson for Mulberry. Picture courtesy Mulberry.
Lindsey Wixson for Mulberry. Picture courtesy Mulberry.

For this reason, Vogue is the Bible of fashion. It does not explain or impose what you should wear. Neither it tells you to expend thousands of bucks on an item if you cannot afford it. It is a series of notes made by different new artists which show the new proposes in fashion, culture and ways of thinking to do not fall in the vulgarity of the times of the old pal Courbet and to start to portrait prostitutes again without any sense. Nudity? yes. Sexual provocation or appealing? Why not? But one thing is to show a beautiful body like on the Greek times and to appreciate it, idolise it and to want to follow that role model patterns to become alike; and other very different thing is to wish to have sexual relationships with any naked body which will put in sight. That last one, that is vulgarity, which comes from latin: “vulgus”. That means “common people” but also “used by people”. I think not any good soldier whom wants to become general, or any peasant whom would like to improve his/her life, would like to be used by others. That is what it is to be called “vulgus” or “vulgari”. Then, read, discover, explore, watch, admire, disagree if it does not fit your taste your own artist fashion and you do not approve but explain why. It would be then when you will be raise your voice to keep learning and to do not be used anymore. Until someone will decide that cadet has learnt enough. Arrived that moment, do not become vulgar again, leaving the ideals of others -even if they are politics- influence you in your world. Because if that happens you will not making your own art or expressing your own voice. You will become a new “cursed poet” of this new so fast technological society or new world.

Fake It Until You Make It

Rowan Atkinson at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.
Rowan Atkinson at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.

There was a time in which the world was more simple. Apple and Blackberry were only fruits and no one had to worry if for to have a job, in any sector, the CV’s were more original than others, there was more talent or not behind or how many followers or social media influence had that individual. Fact, which it seems it is even important for to get a job like a waiter. Maybe for a cleaner too. Definitely, those past times, which in our days sound like an old legend, were simple.

However, that does not meant they were free of fakers. Those are some sort of people whom has some sort of special gens which certain folks do not share. I call them a special race inside the hominids. If we, for example, are the homo sapiens sapiens those folks should be something like homo sapiens mendacii. Sorry, this is a joke made for only a few whom could understand it.

It is clear. A lot of folks like to dream on their jobs while others dream in to have better job positions. In most cases, that involves fame, glory… More followers than no one, conquer the world spreading an unique ideology or point of view. Sorry, again, I do not want to touch the politics theme again. It is already quite touchy.

For my part, I must confess I am weird too. Not special. In whatever I have helped or not I keep considering myself no one but I like to say I am an Anturil or an otter. Why? Just because that way I make my own marketing and promo to the content which I am developing or I have already developed. It is not anything bad to be called Anturil. Neither otter. Take for example Mr. Bean, he was from other planet and he is one of the most iconic characters. Or Dr. Who… But with that one, I keep without to have clear from which dimensional/space/time thing he is. I am quite messed up with that one. Mostly, because I could not sit to make the appropriate marathon of the series and to get some geek Tardis like fever. The sort of fandom ones. Although it is on my bucket list of things to do in life. What am I going to do? I am weird. My goals are so simple and small that I keep breaking my head against walls asking myself how is it possible I could not have this sort of small pleasures and instead I see myself involved in bigger messes of some sort of squads… Not sure what happened there. Not sure even what has been happening in most of these years since I was at college. It is something that I must to meditate with the Force and to be in communion with Obi Wan and Luke if I want to figure it out. Still, I am lazy, I pass of to know it too. I prefer to follow the otter philosophy: “Swims, whirls and dances. Otters no worries about non-otter things.”

Do you want to really know a storyteller’s secret secret secret? I have been developing several types of stories. In some of them there are humans, in other animals, in other some other sort of creatures. NOT ALIENS! Sorry, folks insist a lot in that.

Rowan Atkinson at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.
Rowan Atkinson at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.

Well, for all of that, it is necessary to be a bit in character, depending of what you are writing about… You know… But I can confess writers do not use to get possessed in the same way that certain actors use to do. If we are writing about a love story we do not fall in love, neither if we are breaking up on the story we break up. At least, not otters like me. What sort of non otter logic is that? Anyway, the secret secret secret it is: “For me, it is more easy to put myself on the head of an otter or a squirrel, marmots included, and to give to their world a dialog than on a head of a perturbed communist.” I have tried it and I keep on it. It is not done. However it is… Criskypontulocus. Just got that new word. It is fancy.

One of the problems that this virtual times have is that it gives the impression that if you are not constantly posting about what you are doing, working, living… You are not doing anything with your life. Fact, which is absurd but it seems the world works today following this absurdism trend.

From the beginning, when Matt invented that evil platform in which he was going to conquer the whole world. Well, he had already made it. Not sure about his new “super-evil” plans right now but it seems that if someone wanted to put the blame on Gates first for similar things, now is Matt the chosen one. So, I like to have fun with that. It seems the free communications and the helping to spread education are some sort of implantation of the American style of life or… Maybe it should be something even more evil and treacherous behind. Ta da…

When all that face books were invented, I considered them pretty cool because it was the cheap way to contact with people without to have to expend in phone bill. Let’s be honest about it. The problem was someone decided to invent the FB games and all the days I had like 30/40 notifications of people asking me for “eggplants” for their farm, they wanted coins for their “pet society”, someone needed some sort of building things for their “virtual house”, five or four cards which said stupid things and which were sent because when people did they could unblock certain game features… And it arrives a moment that if you say: “No” to all those things you are rude but at the same time not all the people wants to have a decent conversation. Some folks believe that like they have asked you for “eggplants”, for their virtual farm, that is equal to “Hi, how are you doing?” So, I keep wondering if the right answer to that sort of communication is to send them the eggplants plus ask them for corn or peanuts, beans… I have always been confused in which was the right thing which said: “Fine. And you?”

Rowan Atkinson at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.
Rowan Atkinson at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.

I am exaggerating but do not think so much. In fact, I attended to so many face to face conversations in which one fellow was upset with other for the sort of Fb game request they have sent them or because they have not sent them back. And we were not teens we had a five year degree. So hold on with that.

Then, Fb community experimented some sort of evolution. Like the Pokemons… Fb made the same, and you could start to block people, decide which sort of things the other watched and which sort they did not… Why? Because folks were getting bloody paranoids with the eggplants requests. And not having enough with that, some of them had to be gossiping how many hours at day the other fellow was playing or not because it was impossible that their farms or pets had more things than theirs. Heartbreaking. Who does not want to have Fb friends to compete in stupid virtual races to see who has more things than other on a game?

Still, you know Pokemons not only evolve once. Some of them do it several times and this is what happens with the virtual world: it is a huge massive Pokemon constantly evolving. I have lost my count on the greek alphabet each time they send a new update and they change everything again. You are going to need to make like on the license plates if you keep like that. Do you know it?

Well, techs aside. Not sure from were the new evolving face came because it was not about the sort of “spectacle/artist” profession theme, neither for the eggplants request. This new wave did not had anything to do with the French filmmaking one but they wanted to portrait themselves like if they were like that. First, it started with people whom had some sort of artistic interest or inquietude. Then, it was spread worldwide. The issue: to see who had more followers or “friends” than anyone else. Some, even dared to name that group of people like Armies, others did not know how to use well Matt’s invention and they were desolated after to check they could not have more than 4.000 friends. So they opened new profiles with new accounts to have them all together in several profiles, in which sometimes, folks repeated friendship but not sure why people found that cooler than to open a Fb page. And here, it was the origin of the homo virtualis mendacii which is the evolution of the homo sapiens mendacii but, in most cases, anthropologist have found it is a de-evolution, indeed. There is not anything about sapiens on that species.

Rowan Atkinson and Peter MacNicol at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.
Rowan Atkinson and Peter MacNicol at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.

That was the start of a new paradox. The one in which it seems everybody was obsessed to get more followers than no one because that was the synonym of to have “influence”. However, it have never meant to have more sells of a product. Still, there was the beginning of this sort of fever or competition which it keeps in certain virtual corners of the hyperspace.

The problem arrived with the periodicity. Some individuals found that for to keep certain number of engagement with their audiences they needed a constant feed which published all sort of things. And on there was the main issue: “which sort of content can certain people publish periodically?” Because even if they were Youtubers, writers, actors, filmmakers… It was necessary to publish constantly, arriving a moment, in which it was not easy to publicise the work or the creation constantly so folks decided to share part of their lives or best moments on that. Until here fine, but what happens when a homo sapiens mendacii notices that? That they say: “Hey! I am a professional lier. What cannot I do that too?” And there it starts the problem of the de-evolution and to want to be a homo virtualis mendacii instead a homo sapiens sapiens which is what the logic and common sense says. However, recently, it has been discovered some individual does not use that two characteristically behaviour things neither.

Some folks could climb the ladder of professional success faster than other partner fellows thanks to that. Then, it started the new era: “Fake it Until You Make It”. And with that, so many folks around the world really believed that to tell any sort of lie about anything, at any cost, with the intention of to improve their economic success, will make their lives better until the point that they will become some sort of huge tycoon or something alike whom does not need to work more on their lives. That was the common believe which changed everything. Not for anything, if not because watching the new formulas it gave the impression that the ones which were constantly posting content, of any sort, were the ones whom were working and doing things while the rest of the world did not. What about if there is the mustelidae species whom dislikes all this virtual stuff? Just for the fact electricity does not work well in water or if you expend the day wet. Has anybody thought about that? Of course not, the homo always think in the homo and not in the conservation of other species. By the way, never confuse an otter with a beaver it is the worst insult ever on the otter lands.

Rowan Atkinson at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.
Rowan Atkinson at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.

Anyway, do you know what happened with all this sort of faking virtual things? That most of the fakers tend to become easily jealous of any other species whom only work and whom are not thinking in to get more fans. They become scared of to lose… I am not sure what. And then, there is all a repertory of fake profiles inventing all sort of stories, creating memes… In resume, it could be considered bullying. It just depends from the angle in which it is seen. The bullies never think they are harming other. They are just having fun or to making him or her stronger… It seems the fact of to do not know code or to do not share certain points of view, like to support National Geographic’s work, makes one weaker than any other being.

However, time puts each one on our places. It is an old saying, not an imposition or rule. The one whom tried to reach fame and glory with deceiving techniques is discovered because his/her rhythm of production is not the same than the ones whom focus on to work. Why? Because all those online campaigns, to watch what the other does, the bully… Require time. More time than to have to care of the eggplants and beans of the virtual farm. And of course, this is going to be measured too. Just like the gaming to see if s/he is more time than me watching what others do. Then, it arrives some sort of paranoid cycle (please, do not confuse it with the Cycle of Life, little Simbas and Nalas) in which the world gives for granted that: like they are constantly worried in what others are making, others must be doing the same with them. That should be their more logical explanation of why those others -not otters- are not posting because they are like busy bees. So, folks start to make private their profiles and getting paranoid because they believe this others have blocked them or they have limited them for they cannot read all the content that they publish. Has it any sense? It seems if you have turn a homo virtualis mendacii it has, if not, not.

In resume, to fake anything is not good. Sooner or later they are going to catch you and then… Well, attend to what you have been doing all this time. In special if it has been about to spread lies of others, or fictional romances at their backs. So terrible and dramatic is this virtual world… Is it just this otter the otter whom thinks everythings looks likes a bads soaps operas without soaps? Yes, otter was thinking that toes.

On any case, let me confess something personal which I am afraid I have been written before. However, in all this long time story which has been extended for so long, what I cannot say is if I have really shared this or I wrote it on private and someone had been lying about it to the whole world.

Rowan Atkinson at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.
Rowan Atkinson at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.

Depending of who you are, in the moment or context of life in which you coexist with other beings, certain issues happen. For some folks in the world to “dream big” means to have something to put on their mouths at the end of the day. The next “big dream” those same folks have is, when they have could realise that dream, to see if they can repeat it each day of their lives… Next, they think in to can afford something a bit more special for an important occasion… And that is to dream big. However, if you cannot even afford a piece of bread, to start to believe that you are going to rule the world are not dreams aka goals, if not delusions or fantasies. That does not mean that they could not become truth but it is not the normal process of to do the things. Maybe, you will rule the world but you will keep hungry or you will have not covered certain basic necessities which in long term are more important than to have win wins. And I know this very well. Not only by myself if not because I have been making of Fb therapist work for free of so many friends and study partners for so long between the Pokemon style FB evolution of the 4.000 limited friends and the “post content daily” issues. And all of this it has been repeating almost until past year. In the case of some other folks it was cut long ago. Just because they were selling things they were not and they needed someone whom to expend virtual time and to talk. That was my world but… I am afraid, Zuckerberg, I will not accept eggplants request anymore. No offence, techs already know so much at the back of what has been going on.

Rowan Atkinson at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.
Rowan Atkinson at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.

In other hand, I can also tell you that it seems there are so many self-called dreamers spread around the world but whom made the same dreaming mistakes mentioned before. Just showing my CV on certain filmmaking networks I was asked by several folks if I could write for them: “the screenplay for a short film which will win Sundance the following year.” I can swear I am not kidding at all about this. I have received like three or four messages in that style on these past years. And when folks arrive to you like that, what do you do? I mean, what do you say? “Yes, I am going to make your dreams come truth,” or: “Kid, are you sure of what are you asking?” And do not offence to no one because I call kid to anyone whom is not already an otter or a lion. Well, other species are also addressed like “Krumpt, what are you doing?” So, do not worry for the kid even if you are in your 111st birthday like Bilbo.

No, really, what do you do with those folks? Because I tried to make my best. To have tons of patience… And then, it is why I discovered the Independent filmmaking circle is so wrong. Do you know how many folks dream with to win Sundance? BUT, then, they say “write what you want. I trust you will give me Sundance.” So I wrote and I wrote… Arrived the time it is never the screenplay they were looking for… So, what is this? Cinderella? And we must play the guessing game of which screenplay an author will write the next winner before s/he will ever write it? It is like to pry to see if Cinderella will find her loafer back or not? Just wait to see how the story develops. Do not try to guess it by symbols, metaphors and foretelling techniques. Who do you think you are? Professor Trelawney? Really, it gives you the evil idea of to say: “They are all death! I am making you read all the script for to waste your time. Everything was a dream of someone who had already died or was going to die!” One needs to be very bad in certain storytelling times but it is fine.

Just remember a few things kids:

1.To fake is not good. They will catch you. Do not have doubts.

2. I don’t write screenplays which will win Sundance. I have never done it and I will not.

3. Do not ask for the point 2 or the win “Academy Awards” option anymore.

Rowan Atkinson at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.
Rowan Atkinson at Bean the film. Picture courtesy PolyGram Filmed Entertainment.

Be you. And if you are just like friend Mr. Bean, be happy with that but if you fake… The world will notice you not only fell asleep in your job, if not to paint is not your business at all. Keep that in mind.

Gratin Cauliflower

Some of you probably have never heard certain expressions which is natural that you have never done because they have never been published neither shared. It is something which use to happens on the creative process and which keeps only for a “small” circle of individuals whom should know about them. Well, sometimes people talks with others and this small circle becomes bigger than expected. Without knowing how, everybody is talking about things which are fantastical but not the people can see them on those fantastical ways because they have not read the story of the script yet.

It is like if, suddenly, the whole world would be talking about Mandragores or Pixies… And they were trying to get early conclusions about what those things are involved on a certain world or universe which they completely unknown.

Following this crazy rule which is what has affected me all these years and which keeps happening but better or worst I am learning to deal with it. It also happens that most of my characters have quirky ways of to curse others. Why should they have to say the classic filthy words than Tarantino knows how to apply very well to his stories if I am not Tarantino? It is a fact, I could never make a story like him despite I enjoy them. For this reason, my characters have an expression which is: “Buckets!” You can translated like “Damn” but there is also the long way form of to say everything when you are bloody upset with someone. On those cases, my characters tend to send people to: “Harvest coconuts and dedicate to smuggle them” or they say: “Buckets of cauliflowers!” I know, I know, quite quirky but I am that way. Just like an otter will curse you saying: “Go and build a dam” or they “Don’t care if you’re building a dam”. You must to be on the world context to understand it.

So, in honour of the “buckets of cauliflowers” why not to share a cauliflower recipe which is something with tons of Vitamin D that people uses to do not eat enough? You can use this like a side dish for to fill a bigger meal or simply enjoy a full quantity of this which I can assure you it feels great on the chill time. In special, if it is creamy and warm. You can go for the longer version which is to go to the orchard, harvest the buckets of cauliflowers… No, kidding. Just bought it at the grocery store or farmer’s market and to boil it until it will be tender. In other hand, you have this quick option that will save you from more than one “what can I dinner?” neurotic moment in which it seems it has not been time for anything. I am going to explain how to make a white sauce. But even in our days that is already made on the market. In case of no time and quick recipe you can go for the already made option to make everything more easy and quicker.

Gratin Cauliflower
Gratin Cauliflower

Ingredients: (for 2, 4 if it is a side dish)

  • 1 package of frozen cauliflower.
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 1 tbp margarine/butter
  • 500 ml of milk (your favourite, almond and soy ones work good with this recipe too)
  • 2 tbp flour (gf works well too)
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp nutmeg (if you are allergic you can substitute it for curry or cumin)
  • Breadcrumbs or cheese (optional)


  1. Preheat the oven to 240ªC. Bellow microwave version. On a big soufflé dish -or small ones for to make it individual- add the cauliflower frozen. Do not unfrozen it. Spread it uniformly and add a light pinch of salt.
  2. On a sauce pan. Melt the butter and sauté the onion until is golden and tender. Add the flour and lightly golden it. Before it becomes to thick hardly pour the milk over. Stir it gently without to stop on a medium heat. It must have a lightly thick consistency which the sauce will get on 2-3 minutes. Beware to do not burn it.
  3. Once it is done, add the salt and species to taste. Pour the sauce over the soufflé dish spreading it evenly. If in the lower side of the dish there is more white sauce left, do not worry. It is not about to cover only the cauliflower; if not about to let it cook with the sauce. Do not be scared to use the whole sauce you have prepared or bought.
  4. Spread over the top breadcrumbs or your favourite cheese. It is for to give it the golden crunchy texture but you can skip this.
  5. Put the dish in the oven and cook it for 50 minutes to 1 hour. In the oven it will not be done faster but using the right microwave recipient, you can cover it and it will be done on 15 minutes, maybe 10. All depends of the size of the cauliflower pieces. However, you are going to loose the crunchy gratin side but it is easier and quick for the ones whom dislike cooking.
  6. After the time, wait a bit before to eat it because I can assure you you will burn your tongue. The cauliflower will keep cooking for a while even if you have removed it from the oven or microwave so take care with that. And good luck. I hope you will enjoy it.